WTH people?

October 5, 2010 at 12:08 pm
filed under saving the world 9-5
Tagged ,

Why do people not extend the same courtesy to me that I extend to them? People don’t think about how anybody else feels but themselves. I’m on a mailing list of friends who talk about weight loss and good cheer, and when my grandpa died I abstained from going on and on about it because I didn’t want to bring the group down. Nobody wants to hear about somebody else’s detailed suffering and eventual death. I didn’t even want to tell them how upset I was by it because I thought that would upset them. But now someone on the list is describing in detail all of the sad things that her family’s friend went through before passing away, with his illness and his final days, and honestly, I just don’t want to hear it. I can’t even read through it. I guess that’s the solution here, just don’t read through it. I told her I was sorry and sent a heartfelt sympathetic note and she still goes on and on about it. It’s just not what I want to read. It’s rude. I don’t want to hear these details all about it because it makes me sick and upset. Why would anyone ever do that to their friends? I would never dream of it.

In other news, my job is totally wrong for me. I’m just now seeing what it is that I’m supposed to be doing in a clear light. My job (as some people see it) is to manage grant compliance with 15 agencies who receive funding. This includes going through their monthly reporting (NUMBERS) and making sure everything adds up from month to month and for the whole year (IMPOSSIBLE). It also includes requesting and reminding that they do what they’re supposed to be doing in terms of reporting, filing, logging information and turning things in (DEADLINES), and my job is also enforcement (THREATS OF NO $). The way that I’m supposed to make sure they’re doing what they’re supposed to be doing is by keeping spreadsheets of the records of the reporting they send me (BOOKKEEPING) and also by conducting site visits to review their files and make sure their programs are running like they ought to be (AUDITS!!!!). My job also includes gathering research by copying data off the forms that grantees are supposed to be putting into the online database, entering it into an Excel spreadsheet, and helping manipulate the numbers so the evaluator can make charts and graphs (DATA ENTRY!!!!!!!!).

Basically, the reason I suck so horribly at my job is because I am fundamentally/physically unable to be the person I would need to be to ensure that people at 15 funded agencies are actually doing their jobs on a regular basis. The person I would need to be is a heartless and relentless BITCH! The reason for this is that people DON’T DO THEIR JOBS! EVER!

All I mean is that I can totally identify with the jerky auditors at the IRS, and I know where their jerkiness comes from and why they have to be jerks. I can also identify with them on an emotional level. It’s not their fault, you guys. It’s not the IRS’s fault that the American People are idiots and they don’t want to do what they’re supposed to do! They’re idiots because they 1.) don’t think that rules apply to them and/or 2.) don’t have a clue WTF they’re supposed to be doing or what’s expected of them and/or 3.) are lazy bastards!

Disclaimer: Not all my agencies are idiots/lazy bastards.

But I feel this on a really deep level right at this moment. People don’t want to do their jobs. They sign on the dotted line saying I’ll accept your money and I’ll do the following things in return. Then they don’t do the things, or they don’t do the required paperwork to indicate whether or not they’re actually doing the things, so you’re left to guess or give them the benefit of the doubt and hope they’re doing the things. That’s what I do. I say to myself, these are good people, of course they’re doing the work they said they would be doing. They’re just bad at reporting. They’re bad at turning in paperwork on time, that’s all – it doesn’t mean any less people are being provided their good services. And I cut them some slack. And they realize they don’t really have to do the paperwork they’re supposed to have to do. And they skip it altogether. And I give them the benefit of the doubt again. And it continues.

The fact that I realize all of this may lead you to wonder WHY I don’t just buck up and start enforcing. I have the money, right? Well, my organization does. I have the power to stop giving it away if they don’t fulfill their end of the bargain. But there’s so much other shit involved in whether or not people get their money. Politics, history, media perception. I can’t pull the plug on funding because I/we am/are NOT BRAVE ENOUGH. Plus I’m too goddamned nice.

Do you know what I’m best at? My very strongest qualities? After much science/research/effort, StrengthsFinder 2.0 says this:

“I am inventive and original, and I select the right combination of words to convey my ideas. I can reconfigure facts and data in ways that reveal trends or offer solutions. I am drawn to the subtle and emotional meanings of words. I dive into my reading with abandon and want to absorb as much information as I can. I pay close attention to what people think and do, and I discover what makes each person special. I facilitate dialogue and bring an added dimension to discussions. I create peace among people by linking them to one another.”

There’s no way in hell that a job that requires numbers, deadlines, threats, enforcement, bookkeeping, audits, and a shitload of data entry is, in any way, right for me.

Researching grad school has become a hobby of mine. Time to make it happen. Just have to find a way…

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