Week 1, Day 1

March 18, 2012 at 10:38 pm
filed under food, weight loss
Tagged ,

I started Slim in 6 today. I have committed to doing the program as designed, 6 days a week for 6 weeks. This is an experiment to see if I can keep a promise to myself.

The box from Beachbody came in the mail several days ago and sat on the end table unopened. I wasn’t ready. Somehow after my St. Patrick’s Day healthy potluck party yesterday, after which we lite a fire in the firepit in my sister’s backyard and drank until the wee hours, I knew it was time.

This morning I woke up and I just knew it was coming. I knew I had to open that little cube of a box. I ate some veggies and dip and then egg whites and veggies for breakfast, but then I had real rye toast with butter spread on it. Then for lunch I ate a turkey reuben, on more real rye, with some more butter spread, plus two slices of swiss cheese, too much deli turkey, lite thousand island and sauerkraut. And I indulged in about a cup of green fluff, too, which is made of sugar free/fat free pistachio pudding, fat free cool whip, crushed pineapple in juice, and a handful of walnuts and mini marshmallows. Not horrible, but still caloric. I just ate dinner, which included 3 leftover chicken breast tenders and some steamed potatoes, carrots and cabbage. It felt bad while I was eating that stuff, but when I look back at it and list it all out, it wasn’t atrocious.

The Slim in 6 experience will be interesting. I opened the box and unwrapped the DVDs, and the DVD case immediately fell apart. Two of the three DVD’s fell loosely into my hand, because the box is glued so cheaply that it won’t possibly stay together. I assembled the fitness band and then read the pamphlets that came with the kit. Per my instructions, I asked Drake to help me take my measurements and some before pictures.

I am significantly overweight. Technically I’m obese. In fact, I’m 50 pounds heavier than “overweight,” and I’m 80 pounds heavier than “normal.” But I do like myself and, in general, I’m at one with my curves. I thought my before pics were kind of lovable. I don’t know, I don’t mind plump. But I do want to be sexy and gorgeous, and I want to feel good about myself, and I want to wear clothes I find fashionable. Really I want to be lighter on my feet to make my feet hurt less. This is very important to me.

Mostly, though, I want to see if I can keep a promise to myself. I was very scared to open that box because I’m desperately scared of failing. I’ve let myself down over and over and over again in these two years of weight loss. I’ve been between 40 and 50 pounds down for almost one of those two years. I’ve been stalled and it sucks. I’ve been not really trying. I show up to my Weight Watchers meetings and I email my girlfriends who are trying to lose weight too, but I haven’t had any traction. I haven’t allowed myself to succeed. I’m not sure why I don’t feel like I deserve to succeed. I’ve gotta change that.

So I have told myself that I’m going to do this Slim in 6 program the way it’s designed to be done. I’m going to do it 6 days a week until I can succeed with strength at the first, second, and then third DVD’s.

Level 1 was hard tonight. I did it with some weakness. I felt tired afterward and my face stayed red for a while. I used three-pound handweights instead of the resistance band. I look forward to building some strength so I can do this stuff more easily. I will.

It’s a 25-minute workout with almost 10 minutes of stretching, so I need to plan how I’m going to achieve my 6 days a week of this. Before work? After work and after the gym, where I go do 40 minutes of non-strenuous cardio on Monday, Wednesday and Friday? I’m not sure. I don’t love the idea of a pre-work workout… but I wonder if I can do it.

I’ve also been very deliberately not picking my nails. This is difficult, because it is an axious habit I’ve had since childhood. It’s been very bad the past few weeks and even when I want to stop, I can’t. I called the Employee Assistance Program at work so I can talk to a therapist about it, seriously. Monday they’re going to call me back with a list of options. Ugh.

Anyway, I have lots of work to do. The hardest part is just doing it. I need to stop being such a big baby. Really, I can only get stronger.

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