Mindfulness / Weight Release Journal

November 16, 2013 at 10:11 am
filed under Uncategorized

I must admit that I begin this entry with some anxiety already in mind. It’s like I already see failure approaching. It’s not rational, because I’m doing almost everything I’m supposed to do right now — tracking my food, planning what I’m going to eat, working with friends for support, planning exercise strategies… but I’ve seen and felt failure so many times, and I’ve felt success — long-term — never.

I just have to remind myself of the bigger picture and not give up. This will be a forever long process. But I’ve always known that and I still have failed.

I am working on reading Full-Filled by Renee Stephens and it is with her direction that I begin writing down my feelings in this way.

MY INTENTIONS:

Become a person who eats mindfully

Use food as fuel, not a drug

Lose the fear of failure and immobility it causes

Have a healthy weight for the rest of my life.

I made egg whites and spinach for breakfast and tried to taste every bite instead of scarfing it down. By the end, and it was only a 170-calorie meal, I was not enjoying the texture and taste, but I sort of made myself finish the last few bites. Should I have stopped eating when I stopped enjoying it? I think I knew I’d need the food energy to get through until lunch, because I have work to do this morning. I still don’t know what I should have done, but eating those last few bites did cause some feelings of fleeting anxiety. I will learn.

WORRIES:

Take this job or don’t take it? Pay??

How will I manage Thanksgiving without anxiously devouring?

Why do social settings make me eat too much and nail bite?

Why does the arch of my left foot hurt so badly?

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